Sting, what have you done?

That was another fantasy vanishing in a puff of smoke leaving nothing but the faint smell of bacon and a few grains of glitter.
In 1980 Sting was the schoolteacher turned rockstar who had an army of teenage fans – and I marched among them.
He sang ‘don’t stand so close to me’ and we were there, in that deserted classroom or waiting at the bus stop in the rain… oooh. Just the sight of a stripy jumper used to bring it back.
It was an enduring affair; it withstood pompous pontification about rainforests, tantric sex claims and that wedding with her on the horse.
But 29 years later and another jumper has ruined it.
Yesterday he was on the This Morning sofa trying to look like he hadn’t just realised that singing about winter would make him exactly the same as Cliff Richard.
That was bad enough, but the granny-knitted-it-so-I’d-better-wear-it jumper and the Brian Blessed beard broke my heart.
Now it’s me singing ‘don’t stand so close to me’ and ‘bl00dy hell, it’s raining I hope the bus comes before he stops to give me a lift’.

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  1. says

    Hilarious. The sweater I can handle, after all Colin Firth wore one in Bridget Jones and he still managed to look sexy. The beard – no way. Yuck. Some guys can handle beards but this one's bigger then the rest of his head!

  2. says

    Ah. Colin Firth… now there's a man who hasn't gone off the boil, even in a jumper. Let's start a petition to make him promise never to grow a big beard.

  3. says

    Smugly, I can reveal I have never fancied him. But I have to agree with whoever it was in the Guardian that his wife is a national treasure – in that her pretensions make her one of those rare creatures who are truly beyond parody.

  4. says

    Yeah, I used to be in love with him too during the Police days…I'm old enough to remember that. But I agree with you…he's a little too too these days…trying to be some kind of medieval troubador…ack.

  5. says

    Couldn't agree more, I always liked Sting, although I never fancied him ha ha. I bought his winter songs album last year, listened to it once, so drab, dull, depressing and downright boring

  6. says

    Really, you liked Sting? I can't see the attraction… maybe i came in to late- at the rainforest/ tantric sex part. Although a naw-dad sweater has got to be a killer (you know the ones your granny knits and you scream as dad tells you to wear it to dinner/ disco etc “NAW Dad, naw…..everyone will laugh)

  7. says

    Pippa, beards are rarely good.

    Linz, some fantasies are best left in the past, aren't they?

    Lynn, he should have stuck at being a sexy former school teacher.

    Alan, agree too dull and worthy for words.

    Kathleen, thanks.

    Clair, you should have seen him smoulder back in the day.

    Suzie, if that's what organic does for you…

    LIAPF, too right.

    Lifeasweknowit, totally.

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