More secrets

A couple of days ago I shared a few of my little secrets. It felt good – I’m clearly on the way to being a shiny, absolved person who will manage to defy the laws of time, age and clutter. So I’ve decided to come back for another go.

I’m addicted to carrots. I eat bloody hundreds of them. I suppose it’s better than smoking, but considerably less cool.

I enjoy Hoovering up Lego.

I’m really very glad I don’t have a daughter. I don’t like all that pink stuff, unless it’s mine.

I once had a pornographic dream about Gordon Brown and then another about the whole Top Gear team.

When I’m in a yoga class and everyone’s doing a downward dog, occasionally I have a mental image of everyone being in the same position but naked and with a tulip sticking up out of their bottoms. Once you get it it’s a hard image to shake.

I sometimes put clean things back in the dishwasher or washing machine because it’s easier than putting them away and it makes them vanish for a while.

I find telly-off time exhausting. Too exhausting to enforce sometimes.

I am a snob. I find it harder and harder to be open-minded about sports clothes not worn for sports, lack of table manners… or any other manners for that matter, processed food, margarine, instant coffee, little children with pierced ears and perfectly healthy people who choose not to work. Oh and I really, really want an Aga.

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  1. says

    Hee, hee, I love these. Am guilty of dishwasher thing myself. And I once had a dream about having sex with Ian McShane off Lovejoy. Was Gordon Brown any good, by the way? Ian McShane was all effort and no technique.

  2. says

    You can have my Aga, it's an eye sore plonked in my kitchen, doing very little apart from costing us a fortune.

    Pornographic dreams; I have 'em all the time, can never remember about whom though. Problem is, my husband tells me I talk in my sleep….!

    CJ xx

  3. says

    Carrots?! Too many can make you go orange, especially the hands apparently. Do what I do, change the habit to Creme Eggs. From January to Easter I have one a day with a proper cup of coffee(not instant, I note you're a stickler there too). Disgusting I know but at least I don't imagine people with tulips up their bum!

  4. says

    nwbi, Gordon was interesting enough to make me pay attention to him when he was on the telly for a while!
    CJ, Oh no, poor unloved Aga. And your husband should think himself lucky, a lot of people pay good money for that.
    Trish, I think I'll stick with carrots. I never got the appeal of the gooey stuff in the cream eggs. The naked yoga thing started as a pass the time exercise in airports. Just try looking around you and imagining people with nothing on, once you start…

  5. Anonymous says

    Not with the Top Gear folk he doesn't, he tells me he wants to know why clean things are put back in the washing machine and what the bunch of tulips are doing in the bedroom.

  6. says

    Auntie Ellen, Muttie says your porno dreams about Gordon Brown are perverse. Altho she admits she had similar ones about Alasdair Campbell (yes, really). I don't know who he is but there's always snorts of derision whenever his name is mentioned.

    And Muttie also said she agrees with you about kids with earrings, but not the daughter stuff. She'd have loved a daughter.

    The Milt

    PS Do you ever dream about entrapping a dog and putting it through pain?

  7. says

    Can I make it clear that there was only one Gordon Brown-based dream. It has never happened again.
    No, Milt, I don't have any canine confessions. Except that I once had I dog I used to make sit on my feet to keep them warm, does that count?

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