Gok Wan-related heresy

I’m going to say something shocking, it’s been on my mind for a while. Here I go – Gok Wan is pants. There I’ve said it and I’m expecting an army of Gok-worshipping, shopping-obsessed harpies to be waiting for me around the next corner.

What’s brought this outburst on? Well if you’ll just cease the stunned screeches and gasps for a moment, I’ll explain.

Last night a miraculous eleventh-hour rallying saw the Panther of News able to crawl from his death bed to his pal’s house to watch the football. This has been a very unpleasant place to be since Boy Two started the family game of pass the norovirus. There I was, alone on a Friday night, tired kids all tucked up and no particular deadlines to meet. I put the telly on.

And national treasure and homosexual stylist of choice, Gok Wan was being rude about people’s clothes. He’s not coming anywhere near mine, that’s for sure. Anything older than five years should get the boot, according to his rules. How is that shop less – wear more? And at what point does something rejected because it’s lasted 60 months become vintage?

Fascinated I watched on. Sure, all that stuff about dressing for your body shape is pretty basic. The insufferable Trinny and Suzanna had that one nailed already. And, actually, it’s fairly obvious, isn’t it? If you’re short and stumpy, don’t wear things that make you look shorter and stumpier. And if you aren’t sure about how short and stumpy you look, em, use a mirror.

Then gushing Gok plucked 59-year-old cleaner Maureen from the crowd for the “makeover of her life”. Trim Maureen was later seen mincing up her High Street doing a passable impersonation of Grace Kelly. And she did look lovely with nice makeup and a decent ‘do’ for her big reveal. There were tears, obviously. But, hang on, she’s a granny who works as a cleaner in a nursing home. Erm… When exactly are the chiffon floaty trousers or technicolour frock going to come in handy. Admittedly there was a beautiful floaty cardi and that wrappy necklace thing would be useful, but the rest just wasn’t really that practical.

Then it was the High Street v High End pantomime. Gok’s best bit were the beautiful purple suede shoes, but at £95 they’d certainly fall into my v special purchase and don’t tell the Panther how much they cost category. (Don’t panic sweetheart, none of my shoes cost that much). Then he stitched piping onto a beautiful – £199-beautiful – coat. An act of vandalism if you ask me. But was it worth it? Frankly, no. His models looked over-trimmed and the end result tacky. So much man-made fibre, if you turned off the lights there would be sparks. I know the “high end” logic of spending more on your shirt than you’d spend on a month’s groceries is bonkers too, but feel the quality. The clothes – in the main – are made to last, longer than Mr W’s five years certainly. I’m seriously in lust with that lilac coat by Mackintosh – putting piping on that would be punishable by subjecting yourself to a GW makeover in front of anyone you’ve ever fancied, even a little bit.

So, that’s it. It’s more emperor’s new clothes, than Gok’s Fashion Fix. Girlfriend, I’m outta here to find some comfortable, well-made clothes that, hopefully, look good too. Pah.

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  1. Anonymous says

    Actually I worry about anyone who puts themselves up to be scrutinised, prodded, poked, and generally humiliated by any of the self-appointed 'style' gurus on telly. Their opinion is just that, not an absolute truth.
    I'm prepared to share a trying-on cubicle with my daughters, and the bra fitting lady and that's about it! Mxx

  2. says

    Women seem to like GOK because he's nice to them (well nicer than Trinny & Susannah) and he used to be fat. But what he says is very cliched and it's always dead easy to pick out the trashy outfit he's styled

  3. says

    Wow! Older than 5 years? Seriously? I'd be in big trouble then! lol. I wear things to death! Gok does seem to be slightly nicer than Trinny and Suzannah, but I can't be bothered with any of them to be honest. I think the opinion of a trustworthy friend is all you need.
    Sal. X

  4. Jo says

    I am really bored of the programmes too. It's like secret millionaire, good for the first series or so but very tiresome after a couple more episodes. Also, if Gok is such a guru, why does he dress like a court jester?

    I do like him though, I know two or three people who know him or have met him (including one friend who was at uni with him through the fat / thin transformation) and they all say he is seriously lovely! He is also bigging up my friends business http://www.cockandmagpie.com in this series by wearing some of the t-shirts she designed. And his tweets are funny. So I can be too down on Gok.

    My question for him is, if you are short and stumpy, and kind of fat all over is there any hope? Most people on the show have some redeeming bodily features, but I don't seem to have any, so I'm left with just wearing what I like and trying not to give a hoot.

    Those are my thoughts on Gok. Jumbled aren't they?

  5. says

    TNMA, I'm glad you agree. I just want to yell at them to stop wrecking perfectly nice garments with trimmings.

    Sal, yup a trustworthy pal, sister or just a long hard look in the mirror.

    Jo, I've read too that he's lovely in person and actually quite blokey. You're right they pick someone who's going to scrub up well. Maybe someone as nice as that should try a bit harder to offer something new/different instead of formulaic rubbish?

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