Why 50 Shades Of Gray could never be true…

knot very good – 50 shades

I’ve done it, I’ve joined the ranks of 50 Shades of Gray survivors. Oh my. 

Clearly most self-respecting real woman would run as fast as they could away from Mr G if they found themselves in feckless Ms Steele’s borrowed shoes. 

However, if they had somehow chosen to ignore the warning signs of total git-dom and fallen for the millionaire and his well-clad legs, then there are some points she might like to consider. 

No aspect of 50 Shades of Gray could actually be true. And here’s why –

  • A real man is likely to forget the scissors for the cable ties.
  • Anyone biting their lip that much would have a nasty sore on it.
  • Little people living in your head who argue with each other would probably cause problems with how you deal with the rest of the world.
  • Think about it, that red room of pain wouldn’t smell of leather and citrus, would it?
  • There can’t be a student in 2011 who don’t use email and mobile phones all the time.
  • NDA – and she is supposed to be intelligent.
  • No real women have so few of their own clothes.
  • Really, three weeks before she thinks to Google him.
  • You just know a real life dom sub agreement would fast move from stand there while I titre you up to go to the kitchen and make me dinner.
  • “Breakfast,” he whispers, making it sound deliciously erotic. Err not roll and sausage with brown sauce then.
  • All that soap on mucous membranes would sting and not in a sexy way.
  • A contract. With a man. Are you mad?
  • There cannot be a woman in the world who finds a man’s interest in her menstruation in any way attractive. 
Oh my. Holy hell. Etc.

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  1. says

    I totally agree with everything you said! I have never read such rubbish in all my life! The whole menstration thing was a bit icky!!! My huband reliably informs me he has no interest in my tampons! eeek!!! Thank goodness!

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