Extreme parenting – motherhood doesn’t get much tougher than this

Children: It’s downhill from here

If I could be bothered with video it would show my shiny face shouting into the camera and lots of zoomy, angled shots to try to create excitement where there is none.

But I can’t, so tough.

I thought I might share my current parenting challenges and some possible solutions.

Move along there if you’ve got urgent sock drawers to sort out.

Hand hygiene

I know that a dollop dirt is supposed to be a good thing, but Boy Two takes it too far. He’s a manky little article who will go to unreasonable lengths to avoid the soap. The best solution I can offer is to grab him and scrawl something embarrassing – preferably in pink – on his hands.

Toilet training

Trying to do something about Boy Three’s persistent feral behaviour is proving testing. The other day he had managed to piss all over my Karma long before breakfast time. Thing is, he manages to be clean and dry at nursery for the nursery ladies but at home it’s a different story. Sometimes he bothers, when the bribe is big enough – but most of the time he doesn’t. Occasionally he even gets creative and political – think H Block in the 1970s.


Supernanny moots the idea of a certain amount of time on a naughty step appropriate to child and crime. I now can’t remember what he had done, but Boy Three was dispatched to the naughty step to think about things. A few minutes later – slightly disconcerted by the lack of bellowing – I called him back. He skipped into the room crowing that he had, in fact, been on the step above the naughty step the whole time.


Boy One – he the Aspie – has a school compartment and a home compartment and doesn’t want to mix the two. Much like the way he can’t mix his beans and his fish fingers. I tried quite hard to find out what was going on at school, but mostly he didn’t want to tell me. I sneak a look at his school diary, but his handwriting is spidery I didn’t learn much. So I decided that if something was wrong, I’d hear about it and left him in peace. However, at parents’ evening I collected several looks of horror and am probably under discussion in the staff room for not having a clue what my boy does at school.

Conflict resolution

What would M Poppins do? The biggest dispute of Sunday began when Boy Three chucked a turd at Boy Two. Fortunately he’s a bad shot and a crap makes an ungainly missile. On the upside, he might have paid attention to my instruction not to poo on the floor by catching it in his hand.

And to think I’m supposed to be considering writing a book on the subject of parenting…

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  1. Anonymous says

    A word with the nursery ladies to see how they get Boy 3 to conform?
    Boy 2 unlikely to find any girl keen to hold his hand when the time comes. You could threaten him with something like a tetanus injection in case he gets something awful like lockjaw if he doesn't wash more often!
    Not sure what you do about Boy , except keep in closer touch with his teachers.
    All I can say is, it's great being a Granny, when it is no longer my job to be the disciplinarian. Good luck Mxx
    P.S. I never did think the naughty step was much of a threat – it has to be something that hits them where it hurts; removal of a treasure or a privilage, or your co-peration in something he wants as a trade-off for something you want. But what do I know…….?

  2. says

    We tend to take the maximum inconvenience approach to punishment. You're picking your nose? Must be because its dirty – cue vigorous wiping with a wet wipe. You threw your toy? Must be because you don't want it anymore. Off to the bin with it then. 😉 I must be twisted but maximum inconvenience for them seems to work….

  3. says

    Trolls are so annoying aren't they (referring to above comment)? I don't know how you manage it with three boys! I take my hat off to you. I liked onecaptives comment – some good methods there! Ps. for some reason I don't seem to be receiving all your posts in my inbox???

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