Things intended to be funny, that aren’t.


The boys and I popped into Ikea for a meat-ball based lunch and found, to our utter disinterest, that it was a family day. That’s why there was a torn-faced clown wandering around spinning plates. Clearly bored riged, he tried to strike up conversation. The topic? Our local undertaker. 

Top Gear

Three grown men acting like teenagers as they read out lines from clunky script. There are cars. 


Shell suits and shouting isn’t enough to constitute Scottish sketch comedy. Or, in fact, sketch comedy from anywhere.

Everything else

‘Funny’ slogans. You don’t have to be mad to live here, but it helps. No it doesn’t. 

Putting a hand out to shake then taking it away. Rubbish. Never funny.

See-you-Jimmy hats, fake tits.

Real tits. Especially to the person who owns them.

Women pulling up men’s kilts.

Most photoshopped pictures

Most sit-coms. Should be called sit not-coms.

Politicians’ jokes. 

Posters (cards/mugs/keyrings/printed knickers) that begin Keep calm and…

Vic Reeves.

Anything that is introduced by: “You’ll love this, it’s hilarious…”

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  1. says

    Loved this list (though have to confess to quite liking Top Gear – sorry).

    Videos featuring cats on Youtube.

    Being tapped on one shoulder, so you look round in that direction, while the tapper is in fact on your other side and just reached round to tap the 'wrong' shoulder.

    The 12th time you hear your child's knock-knock joke (Who's there? Doctor…)

  2. Anonymous says

    Burniston and Vic Reeves are two of the funniest comedy shows I have ever seen, Oh, and Limmy, especially Limmy. There is no such thing as good comedy and bad comedy, it's just that everyone is different.

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