Things I’ve learned but wish I hadn’t

Boys about to discover that it’s really cold in there

This week I made the rather surprising discovery that poo doesn’t melt or dissolve when washed at 90 degrees on a cotton wash. No. It tucks itself into the rubber seal and waits to pounce. 

This moment of domestic education led me to consider the other things I’d rather not know: 

  • If you undertake a journey that involves more than 10 hours of driving, a three-year-old passenger will become constipated.
  • The addition of a weaning child to a brain-melting hangover tips it over into intolerable.
  • It takes a really long time to get the smell of vomit out of anything.
  • There really isn’t anything suitable to say when your child barf all over himself, you and the chair you are both sitting on in a restaurant, just as the food arrives.
  • The only way to get encrusted bogies off a leather sofa is to pick them with your finger nail.
  • A flatpack wardrobe will collapse and break irreparably if you try to build it on your own (I’m still not ready to laugh about this yet).
  • Pontins at Burnham on Sea is a revolting place to spend the night.
  • It’s really hard to give up smoking.
  • It’s really hard impossible to lose the baby weight.
  • The best time to discover you have forgotten to pack any nappies is not at 50,000ft when your child has just dropped a particularly explosive bomb.
  • The day you’re sure your toddler can’t put the plug in by himself is the day he can. 

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  1. says

    I know it was wrong of me to laugh at these but, to be fair, I have also experienced most of them.

    I find a liberal dose of bicarbonate of soda works wonders for vomit smells. And any other nasty smells too!

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