We’re all doing it… moaning about the school holidays. It’s a bit like how we whinged about school dinners, cos it was the thing to do. When actually, looking back, they weren’t so bad for the money.
There is no avoiding the fact that the holidays do pose some dilemmas.
It is very liberating for all of us to be free of the tyranny of the school bus, remembering when it’s gym day, homework and having remotely presentable uniform every morning.
On Planet Ideal World you would find me engaged in some fun and educational activity which involves creating something worthwhile and useful. The children, all apple cheeks, would be thriving and inspired, stashing away golden memories for the future.
On sunny days I’d be handing out wholesome frozen juice lollies to packs of firm limbed youngsters who are enjoying entirely sporting water pistol duals.
OK, on PIW no one has to meet deadlines in order to get paid or at least if they do they are organised enough to do it all during term time.
Neither do the children turn up their noses at wholesome in favour of synthetic and lurid.
Nor do their water fights end in tears within slippery, shivering minutes.
Sadly even if I could find the directions to the planet my space rocket wasn’t put away properly last year and consequently won’t start. Hey ho.
This leaves me trying to write something remotely in line with what was commissioned, more or less on time and usually in English, because we need the money.
First we had to overcome the irresistible parent-on-the-phone-i-need-a-biscuit-NOW compulsion.
This has been replaced by the sshhhhhh-she’s-on-the-phone-leave-her-alone-she’ll-be-cross stage whisper which goes hand-in-hand with post-little-brother-outside-the-office-and-ask-regularly-if-she’s-said-goodbye-yet.
Then I read something somewhere credible that said it was really good to chase them outside to play with their peers and have some mini adventures.
Under threat of exterminating the entire Pokemon race, the peace lasted, oooh, moments.
I’d just got into the middle of an interview with the chief executive of something fairly large when…
“Muuuuuum, Ally’s stuck up the tree. Muuuum. Heeeeeelp.”
So the stand-off we’ve reached is the kids can do all creative things they like as long as they are virtually silent and don’t need my help.
Meanwhile all our visitors think we are recent victims of robbery and the Panther hasn’t been able to find any of his possessions for weeks.
We’re all counting the minutes til the school bus trundles up.