There’s an election in the offing apparently. And this time it’ll be the war of the wives, clicking on the cyberspace campaign trail and the women who win it.
The only problem as far as I can see is you can’t shove a Bakugan card between the main parties. They all agree that money needs to be saved, crime is a bad thing and education a good one. Blow me down… actually wake me up. If all they can think of announcing is some tweaking of the taxes that might, or might not, be worth, er, £120 a year, then, frankly, the games a bogie. (And before you point it out I also know that education and health are devolved issues, but what are we left with? Oh yes fox hunting and defence. Live soldiers and foxes are better than dead ones but that’s not always possible, is it?)
Instead I’d like to propose some of my own manifesto suggestions apart, obviously, from pot-hole free roads (yes, I know it’s the council not the government), dog-turd-free pavements (likewise), nice teachers, NHS waiting rooms that don’t make me itch and as little tax as I can get away with.
Here goes for starters:
Full disclosure everywhere. As MPs must declare their ‘interests’ and foodstuffs their contents, I’d like to see the policy extended. Celebrities must announce their cosmetic surgery and Botox content, fancy car owners must declare the cost and method of payment, stars who lose weight must be honest about how they did it and wealthy people with enviable lifestyles must share the secrets of their success and the size of their borrowing.
Film of the book rule. Audiences must prove they’ve read the book before seeing the film. Questions will be asked.
Where’s that then? Fashion shoots in exotic places must announce where the pictures were taken, which hillside, house or hotel. It’s just my thing. I always want to know.
Bill against setting back the cause of feminism. Right ladies, you know who you are. You will no longer be allowed to pretend not to be able to park or take the bins out. Neither will you be conveniently scared of mice, spiders of lightening. Likewise, you will not slag off men and pretend that they are incapable of basic domestic chores. If you really want equality you need to grow up.
What would you put in your fantasy manifesto?