What is it with the Christmas jumpers? Every shop is packed with deliberately nasty garments emblazoned with red-faced fat men or horned animals. They don’t suit anybody, make you sweat and prickle your skin. They are a joke and the thing about jokes is you’re not supposed to take them seriously.
This year festive knitwear is a very serious business. Clothes shops have racks of them, so bright, shades are recommended. Schools and workplaces gleefully announce fun-filled Christmas jumper events… A three-line whip on red and green man-made material. Unpleasant seasonal wear aside, you can tell these gatherings by the preponderance of shiny red faces and more static than long wave radio.
At least last year’s crappy Christmas craze, the onesie, is comfy.
PS I know I said I was going to ride the crest of Noel neurosis without wishing violence on people who say “are you organised?”, but some things need to be said.