First things first, nothing horrible has happened and everything is rather fine at the moment. I just wanted to see if I could catch the feelings in that moment when you hear some awful, life-changing news.
When the tears won’t flow.
This is the worst day of my life.
Every second a pin-sharp, steel-bright incision.
Raw. Flayed. Exquisite.
I inhale and it crushes me from inside.
The lumpen truth of it in my chest. My limbs. My everything.
Where has the you of you gone? Can you see me here – regretting?
Look, how it’s all broken. Except for my heart.
That beats on. And on.
No matter. That ticking trickster’s slowing, holding me here in microscopic misery.
Here, where you ended for me. Killed in one phone call.
Now I balance on this wire.
Gripping and gripping. A wrench screwed tight.
On one side, you’re there still.
On the other, not.
So, I stay, teetering and holding with all my iron.
The flood, when it rises, will rinse me clear, a dead leaf in the storm.
Useless, swirling and lost.
And away from you.