I’ve been a ‘puppy parent’ for three weeks and already it feels like Yumi has been here forever. This is exactly the same with human babies, but, for me, a three-week old baby was still mysterious and imprisoning whereas with a dog I feel like I’m getting the hang of it. (Clearly the door to the Dungeon of Spoke Too Soon has just creaked open.)
I wonder that if I’d started with dogs I might never have moved on. Here’s why…
- You can’t crate train a child
- Your child will take take years and years before it can tell you it needs a poo
- You have to wash children regularly
- It takes a bit more than a few tiny treats to reinforce good behaviour in children
- You have to dress children every day
- While equally relentlessly marketed, child products are more expensive
- You have to mush up baby food and spoon it into them
- The ‘bad mum’ parent guilt nonsense doesn’t exist with dogs, yet
- Children don’t clean the crumbs up
- Children whinge about going for a walk
- Children want to tell you about Minecraft/Pokemon/Fortnite
- Children don’t want to eat what you serve them
- Children roll their eyes
On the other hand:
- Dogs’ jokes are not very funny
- Dogs can’t make tea or pour gin
With apologies to my actual children, who are, of course, rather wonderful.
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