Forget the happy ever after you see in the movies. A soft-focus shot of a couple snogging in the sunset and the suggestion that they’ve made it to a finish line. Well, that’s a total myth! Firstly, the idea that once you’re ‘in love’ everything will be fine until death do you part is a bit daft, you need to keep working on your romance every single day. Secondly, while that particular moment is lovely, it isn’t really any more important than any of a million moments you’ll share with your significant other. Here are my rules for love and romance.
There doesn’t need to be a ‘going somewhere’
You’ve heard it before, haven’t you? ‘Sorry, but I just don’t think this relationship is going anywhere’, ‘Things were going too slowly, so we have to end it’. There’s a strong notion that there’s a destination for a relationship and a speed that it ought to get there. This is rubbish – no one prints a timetable for love, in fact there isn’t even a map. If you’re both (after talking to each other honestly) happy with where you are, then that’s good enough. Remember, one person’s vision of a perfect relationship might be totally different to yours.
If it feels good to you, then go with it
Likewise, there isn’t really a rule book for what happens in someone’s intimate life. As long as you’re both talked to each other and agreed that it’s what works for you. Sex is the cement for some relationships, but it’s the icing on the cake of others! There are two aspects to this – what you want for yourself, and what works for you as a couple. If you fancy using dildos or dressing up a certain way, then you are entitled to express yourself.
Fill up your good-times jar, but don’t worry how it looks on Instagram
A quick glance at social media and you’ll see couples hand in hand in all sorts of apparently romantic situations. You’ll see snaps of flashy gifts and smug selfies all over the place. It’s hugely important to fill up your emotional bank balance with good times, but these don’t need to be on a gondola in Venice or a ski lift. It might be that after a spree on Easytoys, your best bits are decidedly not for public consumption, or that your happy place is a cup of tea together at the end of the day. Talk about what makes you smile.
Don’t forget that it’s just part of your life
Your rich and beautiful life has far more in it than your most significant relationship. It’s too easy to put hobbies and other friendships aside when you first get together with someone. That first all-consuming passion will fade a little and make more space for the things you personally want to do – together or separately. Talk about what gives you joy and make time for it.
The importance of talking and listening
You might have noticed a theme. It’s about talking and listening throughout your relationship. It’s important to listen to your partner and understand their point of view, and it’s just as important to be able to tell your truth to them without any restriction or sense of shame. If it matters to you, then it needs to matter to them, whether they like it or not. Of course, listening to your lover is important but there’s an even more important piece of listening you need to do – that’s to your own inner voice. You know? The quiet one that lets you know what you should be doing (or not doing next).