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| Glasgow’s Riverside museum – fabulous and free |
We all want the very best upbringing for our children. Of course we do.
It goes without saying that along with the stretchmarks and eye bags we get a built in urge to try our hardest to make this happen. Often this journey is one of impossible riddles and contradictions, but that’s another story.
As parents we want our government to help us do the best for our kids. In the most part that is seeing what’s on offer – care, help, education – and trying to get the right portion of what’s right for our children. Often this can feel a bit adversarial as we struggle to find and get what we feel we should have.
How would it be if the government started listening – really caring about what we parents want from them to make our job easier?
Here are my thoughts:
Financial help – Children are expensive. How about some means of helping make the money go a bit further. What about expanding and supporting second hand sales such as the Jack and Jill Market network. No child ever suffered for being in a second-hand pram. Other options include https://www.gofundme.com/c/blog/child-care-assistance.
Childcare – more of it and cheaper. For those of us who want – and need – to work childcare is a very expensive cost to be covered before we even get to the supermarket checkout. Not only would this help all parents, it would put more women in the workplace making Scotland a more egalitarian place.
Flexible working – there is some opportunity in law already but how about ramping it up? Make the opportunity to work flexibly a right and create incentives for employers to come up with innovative solutions. And in any case, what’s the big deal about working 9 to 5 in an office?
Flexible working – there is some opportunity in law already but how about ramping it up? Make the opportunity to work flexibly a right and create incentives for employers to come up with innovative solutions. And in any case, what’s the big deal about working 9 to 5 in an office?
Parenting classes – There was a bit of a fuss when Cameron considered launching these in England, but there are some merits. Some health boards offer the Triple P system of classes and support While no one likes to be taught to suck eggs, we could all do with a manual and some good advice.
Further financial help – I’m a huge fan of the many free museums and galleries in Scotland’s major cities. These are a brilliant resource for our children. But how about taking it further and introduce some scheme of discounts or vouchers to allow trips to the likes of science centres, country parks, zoos and other entertaining and educational destinations. They are great fun for children, provide a bonding experience for families and everyone might learn something.
PND support – Currently mothers are assessed for post natal depression twice after having a child by their health visitor using a questionnaire. “Failing” the test means referral to a GP who will then proscribe treatment such as antidepressants and/or talking therapy. What if we tightened the mesh on this safety net and allowed for more comfortable self-referral? How about we keep a closer eye on those at risk – maybe offering them an appointment as a matter of routine? Support groups for mums and dads who struggle –whether or not there’s a diagnosis.
Help for lone parents – I only have one Sunday a fortnight on my own with my kids, but it’s hard enough. My hat is well and truly off to those who – for whatever reason- do it all the time. Surely there must be a way of allowing all the people on their own to support each other – regular events, tickets or vouchers for things, Facebook groups. And I’m including the dads who see their kids at the weekend too.
One stop shop for help – There is a lot of help ‘out there’ already – excellent groups and initiatives to help. However, it’s hard to know where to go for help and advice. I often find myself asking if something is a school matter or education or council. Can we establish something – possibly on the lines of NHS24 – where people can go to find out where to turn? It can’t be that hard.
Excellent and well thought out post, Ellen. One shift I'd love to see happen in terms of work is the cultural expectations for men and flexible working. I only know of one dad (and I know lots!) IRL who does his job over 4 days so he gets 1 day at home (while his wife works), and I think it must make such a difference to his relationship with his children. It seems to me that flexible working is granted to / asked for by women much more. Even DD has asked me before why her Dad and I can't 'share' a job so that she gets to see us both during the week.
Some brilliant suggestions Ellen, couldn't agree with you more re childcare. I've put together my own wee wishlist: http://www.rossmcculloch.com/what-would-make-scotland-the-best-in-the-worl
The one stop shop is the thing that really is missing and lots of us keep banging on about, but nobody seems to want to commit to. I've blogged this too, it's an emotive subject isn't it?
Totally agree. There is still an expectation that work must be done between the hours of nine and five and in the office – very much not the case.
Thanks Ross. I'll go and have a look.
It is an emotive subject and not always an easy one. I do think matters can improve by a shift in attitude in some areas, special needs for instance. I'd love to see more of a continuum of needs and provision rather than, as now, special needs v 'normal'.
I started my own business when my child was a few months old as a direct result of a lack of childcare. Five years later I'm still exactly where I was.
I'm not from Scotland, so I don't have any family here, and my husband is an only child. I don't have a car and am dependent on public transport. We live in a town that has 2 high schools, 5 primary schools, and no private nurseries or after-school clubs whatsoever. All of these have had a frankly disastrous impact on my ability to work as much and as hard as I would like to do. My child did get 2.5 hours a day in a Council nursery from the age of 3 and 4, which gave me a tiny bit of work time for 18 months before primary school began. The problem is the rest of the time.
From the time my child was 1 I spent about ten months trying to get her into the Council's “family centre” nursery for a few hours a day. I put her on the waiting list when she was 13 months old. I phoned the Council's childcare line every month for an update on where the list was. Every time I did, the only question the Council would ask wasn't a question about my work circumstances or needs. It was “Are you still not a single parent?”
Ummmh, what is that supposed to imply? It gets worse.
After eight months of waiting in vain I got fed up and raised a stink with the Council over why no places had arisen. I found myself being lectured by a Council childcare employee about the nature of the Family Centre. Priority went to a) children on the social work register; b) parents with a registered drug or alcohol problem; c) single parents. Admissions were determined by the social work panel. I told her I needed childcare help because I was trying to work. What she then said I will never forget as long as I live. She actually laughed at me and said:
“Nurseries aren't for working parents!”
Silly, stupid me for thinking otherwise.
I then got a call from my child's health visitor offering to assist me with what I can only call the “grooming process” to get my child approved by the social work panel. She said she could help me work out the right words to say to them, including buzzwords like “stressed” and “can't cope”. At this point I refused to play that sick game and gave up hope of getting any childcare.
Oh but that's not all! Around that time my Council gave planning permission to a couple to open what would have been the first and only private nursery in our town. This couple? A notorious gangster – known in the newspapers by a one-word nickname – and his wife, in whose name all of their business interests are placed. I then had a horrifying moral choice: in order to work the way I wanted to, I would have to place my child in a money laundering facility with people with a house full of guns. Thankfully the deal slipped away and the nursery never opened.
I had a brief try with a childminder who could barely look after her own children much less anyone else's.
My child is now in P2, giving me at least a few hours every day to work. But come hell or high water, I still have to be at that school gate at 3 PM. I get nothing done when we get home, not with a rambunctious 5 year old underfoot. An after-school club for just two hours a day would give me 10 more hours – a full work day – to grow my business every week. Dream on.
I've done my damndest but I am so sick of this country's utterly parochial and hostile attitude to childcare. The fact is, you are punished if you break the expected cultural norm by failing to have a small army of economically inactive family members on hand to “watch the wean”. For that matter, “nurseries aren't for working parents”. You are punished if you work for a living, full stop.
My Council has just released a sexy regeneration plan for our main street. Lots of shiny new buildings and civic facilities. And guess what is nowhere in the plans whatsoever? I'm sure you can.
My wee one is in a private nursery having failed to get a place in her local council nursery. The cost per day is double that of the council run nursery.
As I mentioned in my own wish list, childcare is a major issue for most parents – consuming a ludicrously big chunk of their wages and stopping them from applying for the majority of jobs.
Heather, Your story would be funny, if it wasn't so frustrating.
There's a childcare hump where you have to get to working – and earning – at a certain level before it's worth working. Very Catch 22.
I really hope the Government is listening to parents crying out for affordable, accessible childcare.
There's no local council nursery near us either. It seems so unsatisfactory for everyone.
You know Ellen, at one point my husband and I actually considered gaming the system by lying. Can you imagine how that would have gone?
“Are you still not a single parent?”
“Errrm, my husband left me. And I'm very sad. Also drinking a lot, because I'm sad.”
“That's smashing! Bring the wean in on Wednesday!”
I live in the same town as ideas 15 (waves) and had the same problems 20 years ago when my daughter was born. I had to pay for private nursery as I had to work. Grrrr. No, my daughter has a baby of her own & can only get him a nursery place in the aforementioned nursery as she's a single parent. She won't send him there – it's not nice. She works part time and at present her Grandpa is babysitting. The council/job centre are horrified she wants to work – have advised against it many times. It's all wrong.
Wow,childcare, childcare,childcare. Keeps coming up time and time again. Obviously one of the most important issues for parents. Affordable, accessible childcare together with flexible working would go a long way towards making Scotland a much more family friendly country. The Scottish Government is planning to extend free childcare hours and make childcare more flexible in its Children and Young People Bill next year. We'll certainly be feeding back what people have told us in blogs, comments and tweets!
That sounds suspiciously like my local area…
A few years ago, two of the local council run nurseries were joined in a new family centre in a brand new building, attached to a school, with excellent facilities. Unfortunately, the didn't take into account how many children they would have to take for the standard 2.5 hour days, so there were no spaces left for (paid, not funded)full day wrap care. Unless you were on the social work list…
I'm lucky in that I found a fab childminder, who has been flexible with me as my circumstances and working days have changed over the years. But childminders are expensive. Had the option of a local nursery been available I could have saved a small fortune by now.
I forgot to add that the health visitor (who saw my grandson when he was tiny then ignored calls etc until my daughter complained to the practice manager a year later) informed the doctor that my grandson had behavioural problems (he doesn't!) and my daughter wasn't coping well & had no family or friend support (not true). My daughter then had calls from the doctor who was concerned – turns out it was health visitors way of 'helping' get him into nursery ! Trying to get that information removed from his file wasn't easy either. It's a minefield.
Wilma, Utterly astonishing. What kind of madness takes us to the place where those who want to work can't?
Linda, Thanks for your comment – it seems good local nurseries must be the answer.
Glad to hear that the Scottish Government is listening. Fingers crossed change is afoot.
You're right it is a minefield. I hope she gets that sorted.
Wilma, this is starting to get creepy. Someone in our town's health care system decided that I was at high risk for PND solely because I am not from Scotland and don't have family here, despite having moved and adapted to life here years earlier. I was placed into a “support group” hosted by two health visitors and received extra home visits from them, sometimes with learners in tow. They seemed detemined to find something wrong with me. I was absolutely fine, physically and mentally, and was lucky to adapt to motherhood with no problems at all. But it was still “Are you sure you're OK? Are you really sure?” Normally I'm a right cheeky sod but I didn't even respond with my usual sarcasm – I felt as if they'd write that down and use it as evidence! I felt like I was being watched at best, on trial at worst.
There was a teenage mum in the “support group” who was clearly struggling and not able to articulate what she was feeling, and I realised, what a damn shame if she's not getting the help she needs because they're judging people by their own personal and misinformed presumptions.
Terrifying! I had to intervene on her behalf, she is a single parent (but with good relationship with Dad), has her own home & is a fab Mum. She wanted to work or go to Uni, but the childcare issue made it impossible until I was made redundant, and could babysit while she worked part-time. The firm she worked for went into liquidation & she's just got another job which suits her perfectly, but again child are issues. She's just phoned to say she's going to see a private nursery close to her work tomorrow. Ridiculous there is nothing local. I had to do the same when she was wee, she went to nursery in the West End, do didn't have any friends locally and I subsequently sent her to school there too. Local authority are no help at all.
I have worked in nursery schools for the past 30 years. During that time I and many of my colleagues have tried to do our best to support the wide range of needs of the families who come to our centres often despite whatever the prevailing political will was. It is ironic that the biggest expansion in nursery provision ever was during the 2nd world war when women were needed to take the roles traditionally carried out by men. When the war ended the staus quo was reinstated and nursery provision reduced. Since then nursery provision has reflected the traditional values held by those (mainly men) who hold political office. The scottish governments widely heralded increase in funded hours for 3 to 4 year olds continues to reflect the view that women are expected to stay home and look after children. The increased number of funded hours still does not give adequate support to those parents who want to work. For too long the potential of the nursery sector has been ignored, now politicians are beginning to wake up to that potential. Children and parents need a fully funded, free at the point of delivery, national pre school service providing a comprehensive package of early learning and childcare. Local authorities should be given adequate funding to enable them to provide this for all families and end the postcode lottery and dependence on the vagaries of private providers that currently exists. We have a National Health Service, a national Police, Fire and Education service,we now need a national nursery service.
I think you should be in charge Ellen! Quite agree with all of that, especially the childcare costs issue. I'd especially like to see more help for families of multiples (twins, triplets). I have probably done irreparable damage to my career as I wasn't able to afford the childcare cost in order to go back to work when my twins came along. Ridiculous situation given that the taxpayer paid for my education and training in the first place.
Thanks Cath, and not to mention the various initiatives to get women into science…
Anonymous, thanks for your comment. I couldn't agree more. When you put it like that, free childcare at the point of delivery makes perfect sense.