I passed my driving test more than half my life ago. 1988 if you must know. Second attempt, as it happens. All the best drivers pass second time, so they say. I could never commit the stopping distances to memory and, in any case, they were entirely meaningless as I can’t judge distances from numbers.
No it’s true -a total deficiency. The satnav has underlined my failing. It says: “In 100 meters, turn left. In 200 meters, go left on the roundabout.”
It means nothing to me. Not a clue. I can have a good guess at weights and even small distances “you’re having a laugh, that is never eight inches”.
So it wouldn’t do me any good learning how long it would take to crash at 30mph. Those sorts of things I think I must have learned by driving quite a lot over the years.
I do remember most of the other rules, though. Like on a motorway, you don’t stop, you try to avoid eating in a service station and – you stick to the inside lane, only overtaking if necessary, then returning.
Now I don’t think many of the rules have changed, except that weird country dance manoeuvre you used to have to do a turning right at a crossroads if someone was coming towards you turning to their right.
It was the law that overtaking was when you went round to the right of a car in front of you that was going more slowly. On a motorway or dual carriage way this is easier as the oncoming traffic isn’t generally an issue.
But lately, I’ve noticed a new set of manoeuvres coming into play.
Firstly there’s the ‘I’ll just stay in the outside lane because my car is nice and shiny and it’s less effort than indicating and looking and going back over there to the left. Am I in your way, oh sorry. Oer, don’t get all flashy and cross and tailgaty on me. That’s it, I was going to go, but I’m not now’ outside lane hogger.
Admittedly driving around Glasgow’s M8 it’s perilous to saunter along in the inside line oblivious because suddenly you can find yourself on a non-stop route to Govan, Easterhouse or somewhere else you aren’t likely to want to go.
However, the outside lane hogger seems to have given rise to another driving outrage. The undertake.
These are motorists whose lives are so important they can’t possibly wait for the outside lane hogger to get the message. They just drive round them on the left.
They obviously have to be somewhere so urgently that they don’t care that drivers are working on the reasonable assumption that inside lane vehicles will be going more slowly than outside lane ones.
I know they do it in America – you see it in the movies. But America is different, they hang people there. They have sidewalks, trunks and diapers. They charge people who are sick and a lot of them think Donald Trump is a good idea.
So I’d like you to dig out your old Highway Code book and remind yourself of the rules. Undertaking is against them, it’s selfish and it really annoys me. Please stop.
Pic: Boy One gets his first set of wheels
ha ha ha ha! I have to agree. However out here my only beef is with the reindeer that think hanging out and having a nap on the main road is a good idea.
Heather, thanks. Sometimes I think we'd be better off with herds of sleepy reindeer than some of the morons on our roads.
Haha! I did a similar post a while ago as part of a meme – I am soooooo with you on this!
Julie, I'm glad it isn't just me.
Good post.
I think there are too many people who become a law unto themselves when they get behind the wheel.
I'm thinking of the total clot in Shawlands yesterday who tried to turn right into a clearly signed “no entry.” Journey route denied, he then reversed into middle of the road, started a three-point turn and then decided he deserved to get back into the space in the queue he had left, right in front of me. OK. I'm courteous.
Then as lights ahead turned to red, Mr mince-for-brains roared through them, drove on for ten yards, then did a U-turn in front of approaching traffic and zoomed through red lights – again – this time turning left.
A real, grade one idiot.
Mike, I imagine Shawlands Clot is a miserable individual with dry rot and athlete's foot.
The other ones who really wind me up are those who hurtle up to the barriers of a closed lane and expect to be let in by those of us who have patiently queued for ages.
I need to take a differing view on this one. If someone is blocking me – and will not move over for love or money – and it is safe for me to do so, then what's the problem? Should I sit behind some idiot who may be causing a tailback with their actions if I can safely get past them?
Craig, Hmm. You're with the Panther on that one. I agree that outside lane hogging is pretty low behavior too, but still not as bad as impatient undertaking (in my book). We obviously need a 'move left' campaign.
Louisa, Thanks – it is very annoying, isn't it? I'd love to hear what gets your goat about American drivers.
Must confess my guilt, during 8 years of commuting on the M8 from Edinburgh to Glasgow, that I occasionally took up ScribblerCraig’s stance and moved carefully along the inside lane to get past the numpty sauntering along the outside lane without a care in the world (and often oblivious to the tailback of traffic behind them).
Sorry. Not saying it’s right. Or clever.