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You are here: Home / blogging / On getting dressed in the dark, sexual confusion and hair washing – things I’ve learned lately

On getting dressed in the dark, sexual confusion and hair washing – things I’ve learned lately

February 5, 2019 By Ellen

You can often find the best things closest to home. Here’s Glasgow, for example.

It’s a huge relief, I must say, to have let myself off the hook and returned to little trivial blog posts like this – but with a structure. You should try it. I could include that as a learning, couldn’t I? Make some rules for yourself, then keep them. But, actually, that’s not really healthy, is it? It’s the recipe for just about every type of negative self-talk.

Self 1: We’ll make rules. We like rules. We’re a rule-keeping kind of person.

Self 2: OK. What’ll they be?

Self 1: No booze before noon. No PJs in the supermarket. No lazing about.

Self 2: OK. Easy peasy. What else?

Self 1: No losing. No short-cuts (or only ones smart enough to call hacks). No signs of ageing. No mistakes. Ever.

Self 2: You’re on. We like a challenge…

Meanwhile, here’s what I learned lately:

That poem is by Jenny Joseph not by Wendy Cope. The one about purple. On my way for a flying visit to my chum D on an ouch o’clock flight, I didn’t stop to look at what I was wearing (quite literally dressed in the dark) until I was through security. Yeah, mauve-r done! But still, I squandered an entertaining while discovering poems by both.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat
And eat three pounds of sausages at a go

Wine is caused by sexual confusion (partly). While yomping around a salt lake near Torrevieja, we were informed by way of information board that sexual confusion is part of the process of growing environmentally friendly grapes. Pheromones are left near the vines so that the male grape moth (enemy of plonk) is befuddled and unable to fertilise the female. I know, so many questions!

Salt lake in the wind
Don’t judge a book number 457. Looking splendid but deserted because it was too windy to stand up

Occasionally peak grown-up is possible. This week, I marked the occasion of running out of shampoo and condition at the same time – in the same shower no less. Maybe it’s just me, but the satisfaction of buying a matching S&C set never lasts as one is always empty far before the other. No idea why – especially as I long ago sussed that the ‘and repeat’ step was only there to make you buy more shampoo. That’s why, when it happens, I do a tiny little (and quite careful, cos I’m in the shower) dance of victory.

Takes a bow.

PS I’m aware there’s a conflict between celebrating being a grown up and finding poems about growing old. There may be more on this when I work out what to say about it.

Filed Under: blogging, family, other things I have learned Tagged With: adventure, age, busy weekend, Glasgow, health, holiday, in my life, Jenny Joseph, poem, purple, sampoo, sexual confusion, Spain, Torrevieja, travel

Comments

  1. Jeannie Mackenzie says

    February 7, 2019 at 9:11 am

    What a teaser of a title!

    On a practical note, have you tried shampoo bars? They don’t strip natural stuff from the hair, so you don’t really need conditioner. Plus no plastic, cheaper, easier to pack, saves the environment and turns you into a self righteous prat (but with shiny, manageable locks). Only stay away from the ridiculously expensive Lush.

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