It doesn’t matter how hard I try, I can’t fully disapprove of a child who wants to play tig on the bus with his friends. That grunting noise really is the baby snoring. The first clue I have these days that I’m getting premenstrual is that I can no longer stand the noise, the incessant, […]

The volcano is for the Bakugans. No? Me neither, but I get the feeling I’m going to learn a whole lot more than I ever wanted to about them. The bin will be the most interesting thing in a room strewn with toys. Almost all food is rendered delicious – or inedible depending on your […]

It’s possible to love your children very much but still be very unhappy and uncomfortable with their behavior. It feels very, very strange to have someone vomit on your back. It doesn’t matter how much of a grumpy old humbug I am, Christmas is still the most exciting time of year for children.

“The good thing about school is you never get bored.”“But you said it was boring.”“It is super boring, but you never get bored.” The most amusing things when you are six months old are watching raindrops on the puddles (handy that one) and playing with crisp packets (unopened). Anabel Karmel’s readymade shepherd’s pie is horrible. […]

Hair the exact colour of baked bean sauce is very attractive. Really, that’s the colour it is. We compared it in natural light. The bumbo doesn’t always hold the chunky legs of someone determined to get that thing over there to the side, not, of course, the thing within arm’s reach at the front. The […]

Following conversations about the grolar bear (grizzly polar hybrid), it’s impossible to explain why you couldn’t get a mouse human hybrid without getting into areas of discussion you really didn’t want to. The food answer is now “whatever you’re having”. Chips and pears anyone? The black shorts will really, really not do for football even […]