Coronavirus: Why there’s no going back

If reports are to be believed (which is by no means a certainty) we are over the hump, the curve, the whatever, and we’re thinking about how we get out of this thing. It might be weeks, days, or months, but eventually, we’ll burst our weird stay-at-home bubbles and go back to join the world.

How are we going to do that? Pop! And explode into our old lives, or something a bit more measured?

Of course, the boredom (which I know is a privilege) can be crushing and the prospect of returning to fresh vistas, restaurant food, hugs, theatres and mountains is tremendous…

But. Yes, there’s always a but.

That latest plan – the government’s ‘pick 10 pals and only socialise with them’ tactic made me shudder.

1980s flashback. “Class, organise yourselves into groups and get on with the task,” intones the teacher while panic rises. What if no one wants me in their group and everyone sees that I’m left out? What if I get into the wrong group and everyone hates me? How long till the bell goes?

But even before the compulsory clique concept, there was a little flash of something. Is it fear? Unease? The weary ache of resignation that comes before a mustering to duty? Like a shred of dinner between the molars, the feeling demands to be dislodged and examined.

I believe the old ways were lacking and here’s what I don’t want to have back:

• A tramline life which whizzes past the stations, leaving me reaching to-late for the stop button.
• No time to cook real food.
• Spending time with people I don’t choose to be with.
• Too few walks in the sunshine.
• Life by to-do list and its inevitable anxieties.
• Fear of missing out – too much choice.
• Weight of clutter (real and metaphorical) hampering progress.
• The complacency of a well-formed plan.
• Stealing what I need from the good girl schedule of everyone else’s requirements.

Instead, I need:

• To acknowledge that what I want is not a mere ‘nice to have’.
• To spend time with the people I’ve missed.
• To continue to spend time with those I’m enjoying.
• To grasp the adventures (however small).
• To make friends with change.
• To travel a little lighter.